This article aims to provoke a little bit of the information we find these days about compatibility, which I agree with at times and not so much at other times.

We are all incompatible, and the reason why we are incompatible is because we are different people with different values and different backgrounds. They have grown up in different environments with different beliefs and family histories.

Let's start from the very basic knowledge that there's nobody like you, and nobody can live inside you either.

When it comes to relationships and not just romantic relationships, compatibility also encompasses friendship, the circle of people you surround yourself with, work and family, is that we have to "work together to be together".

We must be willing to compromise if we want to share even grounds in relationships; when I say even ground, I mean to find a fair balance for all/both parties within the relationship without overlapping or trying to impose our traits on the other.

Before moving into a relationship, developing self-knowledge and honesty about who you are is essential. What makes somebody lovable to me is somebody who is authentic, raw, genuine and willing to expose all the parts of themselves, either positive, negative and, in the middle.

One of the obstacles I found in my personal life but also while working with people is that within the relationship, often only one person is willing to do the work; when I say "to do the work", I mean to start questioning the "status quo" of who they are as individuals and who they are within the relationship, because of course when you put yourself out there, exposing yourself, you will discover things daily about you and the other.

You will start understanding your reactions, the things you like or dislike, what the other person does or doesn't do, sharing spaces and things, and learning about personal VALUES, which is the foundation of lasting and healthy relationships and other things you didn't know before.

You have to sit down and start learning about yourself within the relational contest and the person within the relationships with you, so it's pretty complicated!

Often, within the relationship, we start blaming each other; when something goes wrong, one person is right, one person is wrong, he's doing this, she's doing that!

Of course, you want to make sure you have the same values, you want to make sure you have something in common with the person you are with, and you want to make sure you have a plan; some people don't like it, but you do need a plan, you need to find a direction, that can be flexible, that you want to follow through.

Some say, "You should love me for who I am; just accept me for who I am." Nobody has to accept anything; if you want to be with other people, you have to be willing to put yourself out there, compromise, have curiosity, do things that may be uncomfortable at times, have the willingness to try new things, and then, of course, you have to love them enough to overcome your own resistances, blockages, obstacles and insecurities.

Love can become an excuse to ignore relational obstacles and personal (most times unconscious) stuckness or fear.

Being with somebody is an adventure, is not about sitting on a sofa and watching the TV; maybe in the past, I think we want more than that; we want partnership, somebody who will be there, but also that have their own life going, they have their own personal dreams and things they share with us; this requires a lot of curiosity to keep that engagement going, the energy moving, the dynamism, that willingness to grow together.

I don't want to stick with a person with many great concepts and ideas but unwilling to take any risks in life. Investing in relationships is a risk; it's like the stock market; you invest the money, perhaps you get more, perhaps you get less, you don't know! But you have to take that risk. Otherwise, you'll never know.

There are basics that you need to have in common, but if one person or both people are not humble enough to sit down and admit their limits, even to say, "I'm struggling with this; I'm not sure what it is that I'm doing wrong, please tell me, talk to me, tell me what's bothering you about me".

And then, on the other side, there has to be somebody willing to express without criticism what you feel challenged by, which can be applied to every single relationship you have.

Otherwise, we keep moving from one relationship to the other, and you think you'll find somebody who will magically meet all your needs? That will be this compatible human being that won't challenge you at all?

If this was the case, we would be at peace with the person we are. Your first relationship is with yourself, and you know how complicated that is, the many challenges you go through because of this relationship, and how hard it is sometimes to understand yourself and to make space for your feelings.

Doing the same thing with somebody else is even harder; you have to put in a lot of effort and work, you need to have a lot of capacity and willingness to embrace whatever comes your way, and a humble attitude, not with the finger pointed on the other side saying "is your fault, is because of you!".

You have to work on yourself and understand who you are so you can express that; you can explain that to other people and be willing to listen and understand the history and the story of the person in front of you.

You need to be curious about the person they are, understand their reactions and where they come from, and why you may be a trigger for them or the other person is triggering you; you have to work together to get to whatever place you want.

Having complicity, having each other's back, not against each other; and it's not about being compatible but about being curious, humble and present and showing up for each other.

But suppose you feel that the person you are with is not interested in growing with you; they are not interested in challenging themselves enough, they're not investing in themselves and the relationship, their values are entirely off track compared to yours, then maybe it's time to move on; but don't get sold in the illusion that compatibility is everything because it's not!

Look for somebody who wants to invest in a relationship, who's willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, but also to be with themselves, who doesn't give up on you, that sits with you when times are hard, that talks to you, humble enough to admit their mistakes, somebody that can go beyond the behaviours, beyond the words, that has compassion, curiosity about who you are and give you space to grow, and you of course, making space for the other person to grow.