Fear of Rejection or Humiliation?

Today, while I was writing a post somewhat different from usual, I noticed something arising as I stopped to listen to my feelings. I said to myself, "Here it comes, my lifelong friend, fear of rejection." Only this time, I noticed that it didn't coincide with the sense of inadequacy I was feeling, so I went deeper. I realised for the first time that it wasn't at all fear of being rejected but rather fear of being humiliated, and finally, it all adds up! It was clear to me that, especially when I was little, it happened so often that when I was expressing my kindness, curiosity and gentle nature, I was getting hurt, either physically or emotionally, so I stopped expressing my feelings to avoid being humiliated!

So I picked up one of my favourite books, the 5 Wounds, and reread some descriptions." Here is what I have found:

Wound of Rejection: Rejecting someone means rejecting them as a whole, not wanting to have them around or wanting to exclude them from your life. People who suffer from the wound feel rejected in their entire being and, above all, in their right to exist.

The mask that develops and is connected to this wound is "the fugitive" and, therefore, the classic person with one foot in, one foot out, ready to run...

Wound of Humiliation: Humiliation means feeling belittled, and its symptoms are shame, mortification, harassment, and degradation. This wound is, above all, linked to the act of having and doing and is awakened if the child perceives that one or both of their parents or relatives are ashamed of them.

The mask connected to the wound of humiliation is "the masochist." This person tends to feel satisfaction and even pleasure in suffering and tends to hurt or punish themselves before others do. One of the signs is weight gain, which tends to flatter, bringing up body shame.

The masochist wants to appear solid and in control, takes on a lot of responsibility and seems to want to do everything for others; in reality, the aim is to create constraints and obligations. The masochist does not realise that by doing everything possible for others, he belittles and humiliates them by making them feel that in their absence, they cannot manage on their own.

This type of control is motivated by the fear of feeling ashamed combined with the difficulty of expressing needs and authentic feelings because, since childhood, they did not dare express themselves for fear of being ashamed or making others ashamed.

The masochist is generally hypersensitive and does everything possible not to hurt others; the greatest fear for them is, therefore, freedom.

So now all adds up! Goodbye, Wound of Humilitian, and feel that I no longer need you!