How modern Mindfulness became Avoidance in disguise.

In today’s world, mindfulness and other therapeutic practices are often marketed as quick fixes for emotional pain or discomfort. The problem with this approach is that it can lead to using mindfulness in the same way we use medication to suppress the symptoms —expecting it to immediately alleviate distress or provide an instant sense of relief.

Mindfulness is not about soothing discomfort in the moment or escaping from it. It’s about embracing the full experience of being human—acknowledging the messiness, the struggles, and the resistance that arise when we face our inner world.

When mindfulness is used in a way that avoids or covers intense emotions, it can create a detachment from the underlying feelings. In this way, mindfulness can sometimes act as a distraction, a form of emotional bypassing, where the surface-level calming of the mind is mistaken for true emotional healing. It's a bit like putting a mental "pause" on emotions rather than letting them move through and transform.

Healing is not a product or an idealised version of Self

As healing and wellness practices have become more commercialised, there’s been a shift toward objectifying them or turning them into products to be consumed rather than integrated into a deeper, transformative process. In this framework, people can often get caught in the idea that healing should look a certain way—peaceful, calm, always positive—and if it doesn't, there's something wrong with them.

“Induced” positivity, in particular, can be damaging because it creates a false narrative that we should always "think positively" or be grateful, even when it feels inauthentic. This way of thinking invalidates real human experiences, especially emotions such as grief, anger, jealousy, guilt, shame or frustration, which are just as important to process and integrate.

When people are looking for quick fixes, like turning to mindfulness just for temporary relief, they miss the deeper, messier work of feeling and healing. It’s almost as though they’re using these tools as a way to avoid the difficult stuff, which then prevents true healing from happening.

True healing doesn’t happen by masking discomfort. In fact, the real transformation comes when we can BE with our pain without judgment and truly accept what’s going on inside.

It’s easy to get trapped in the mindset that healing means eliminating discomfort, but healing is not about bypassing feelings. It’s about learning how to listen to discomfort, accept it, and integrate it into our experience.

Slow down and give yourselves permission to simply be where you are.

I notice how in some of us, there is an underlying belief that we should have it all figured out or that healing means we’ve “arrived” at some ideal state. Healing is not a straight road; it is rather cyclical, and as it should be, life continues to present us with new layers to work through. It’s about being present with what comes up, instead of thinking we should be somewhere else or have "gotten over" something by now. This mentality keeps us stuck in the idea that their pain means they haven’t done enough work, which isn’t true. It’s just part of the ebb and flow of life.

Over these years, I have and still find myself many times revisiting layers of my life, without denying it at times with great frustration! But each time, I have found new meaning and learning essential to my process and life. This is where real resilience builds, and the uncomfortable truth I have experienced is that the world doesn’t and can’t always meet our needs for comfort and validation; we need to learn how to live in peace within discomfort and without the constant need for validation, approval or being seen …

Don’t rely on motivation; learn to work with resistance instead

In our culture, motivation is often seen as the driving force behind change. We are encouraged to rely on motivation to fuel our actions, but the truth is that motivation is not always a reliable companion on the journey of personal growth.

In fact, relying too much on motivation can set us up for failure. Motivation is fickle—it comes and goes, and it’s not always available when we need it most. The key to long-term change is not motivation but commitment, consistency, discipline and learning to befriend resistance. It’s about building the capacity to work with the natural resistance that arises.

In the early stages of any new habit or practice, motivation might be high, but over time, it can fade. This is completely normal, and it’s why it’s essential to learn how to continue working through resistance even when motivation is absent.

The real work of transformation happens when we choose to take action without relying on motivation to push us forward.

It’s about developing the discipline to keep going, even when we don’t feel like it, and recognising that progress is not always about feeling inspired. When I work with clients, I emphasise the importance of showing up consistently, regardless of how they feel.

Even if they don't feel "motivated," the most important thing is to engage with the process authentically. Over time, as clients build new neural pathways and begin to see results, motivation naturally starts to follow. The brain and body respond to consistent action, and this is where real transformation begins.

The Role of Resistance in Personal Growth

One of the most important and transformative aspects of personal growth is the understanding that resistance is not something we should fight against but something that is simply part of our lives; without resistance, we won’t know there are areas of growth.

And usually, gold is where resistance lies…

Resistance is a natural and inevitable part of any journey of growth and healing. It is part of the process and can’t be avoided. In fact, when starting out on a path of personal development, resistance will be there in full force! At first, there is no bypassing it—it must be looked at and embraced head-on.

It’s important to understand that resistance is not a barrier to progress but an integral part of the process. Every person who embarks on the journey of self-transformation will experience resistance in some form. It may manifest as procrastination, fear, self-doubt, avoidance, or the tendency to self-sabotage. It’s easy to become discouraged by these feelings, but when we understand that resistance is simply part of the human experience, we can begin to work with it more constructively.

The challenge, however, is learning how to acknowledge resistance without wanting that to change or go away. Resistance doesn’t mean something is wrong; it just means we’re facing something different and uncomfortable that also holds potential, and rather than trying to avoid it or suppress it, we can approach it with curiosity and patience.

Over time, as we work through resistance, it becomes easier. Instead of seeing it as an obstacle, we learn to view it as a teacher guiding us toward deeper self-awareness.

Achievable Steps, Big Shifts: Sustainable Growth

One of the key principles I guide my clients toward is the understanding that growth is to a gradual and personal process. When we think about personal development, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the idea of major transformation. We often set ourselves up for failure by expecting huge, dramatic changes right away. But real, sustainable growth doesn’t happen in giant leaps—it happens through small, manageable steps that build momentum over time.

The idea of stretching at the right pace is essential to creating lasting change. It's not about setting unrealistic goals but about defining a plan that is achievable and sustainable. Whether it’s working on emotional regulation, building self-compassion, or making changes in how they show up in relationships, we break things down into manageable pieces and keep communicating along the way.

The Perfection of Contrast: Embracing All Parts of the Self

One of the most profound realisations in personal growth is the understanding that we are all made up of contrasts. So often, we strive for perfection, hoping to rid ourselves of the aspects we deem flawed or undesirable. But the journey of transformation isn’t about becoming an idealised human being—it’s about looking at the parts of ourselves that are still evolving with honesty.

Healing and growth come from embracing the contrasts within us. These contrasts are not flaws or mistakes; they are simply parts of us that are still in development. When we try to suppress or deny parts of ourselves, we create inner conflict and resistance. However, when we accept that these contrasts are perfectly in place, just as they are, we open up to a deeper level of self-compassion.

In my work with clients, I encourage them to see all parts of themselves as essential components of their journey. Instead of trying to hide or deny these parts, we bring them to the surface, accept them, and integrate them into the whole self. The belief that something is “wrong” with us because we have emotional scars, fears, or immaturity is a false narrative. These parts are just as much a part of us as our strengths. In fact, it is often through our most challenging aspects that we grow the most.

Growth Is a Process, Not a Destination

Many people see personal growth as something to be completed—something with a clear destination or end goal. But true growth is not linear, and it’s certainly not something that can be completed in one fell swoop. Growth is an ongoing process, with ups and downs, breakthroughs and setbacks. It’s not about reaching a certain destination but about continuously evolving and learning.

This understanding is liberating because it frees us from the pressure to be perfect or to have everything figured out. When I guide clients through their healing process, I help them shift their focus away from achieving a perfect outcome and toward embracing the process of transformation. Growth is about becoming more aligned with our true selves in the NOW moment, and this is an ongoing process, not about arriving at some fixed state.

Leading by Example: The Power of Vulnerability

In a world where we have to DISGUISE PERFECTION, authenticity is a rare but incredibly powerful tool for connection and healing. Many people feel the need to present a polished version of themselves to the world, hiding their struggles and imperfections. However, the most impactful leaders and healers are those who are willing to lead by example in a meaningful way.

Shaping Your Own Journey: The Power of Self-Design

The most empowering aspect of personal growth is the realisation that we are the designers of our own transformation and that we are not stuck with our current version of self if it feels limiting.

We have the power to shape our journey, to create a vision for the person we want to become, and then take steps toward that vision. While resistance will always be present, we can use it as a springboard.

Self-design is about removing emotional distortions and seeing things objectively, cutting through the layers of self-deception and taking control of our narrative. It’s about making intentional choices to engage with the parts of ourselves that need attention and healing. I encourage clients to see themselves as the artists of their own transformation. It’s not about waiting for change to happen but about actively engaging in the process of creating the life and self they desire.

The goal is to shed unnecessary layers of the ego, peeling away the illusions and distractions, getting closer to what’s truly authentic and simple within. When we can see ourselves without all the emotional overlays or societal expectations, it allows us to be more compassionate toward our real nature instead of constantly fighting against it. And that is so liberating.

Trust the journey as it unfolds.

Mindful Avoidance, Healing or Hiding?