How do I distinguish between productive and destructive pain?
No one likes pain or discomfort, or perhaps most of us, but whether we like it or not, it is an integral and essential part of life. What we identify as pain or painful in our existence gets translated into our system through perceptions, emotions, feelings, sensations and all our senses; it can be physical or subtle and has various states, stages, levels and layers. Everyone perceives and deals with pain differently, but most importantly is essential to learn how to distinguish between productive and destructive pain.
Recognising Constructive Pain
Constructive pain can be used as a life's springboard and be the symptom of significant inner shifts. When we experience this type of physical, spiritual, emotional or subtle pain may signal that our soul is getting ready to stretch our awareness to break through inner limitations, beliefs, thought forms or repetitive patterns towards more aligned resolutions.
Pain is a natural consequence of growth, expansion and self-development as I let go of what I no longer need. When we say "to let go of what no longer serves me, " we mean that the lessons that certain experiences were providing are no longer valuable or fruitful to our evolution; we are ready to make space for new things and move on to a different experience of life, relationship or self.
For example, I recognise that my current relationship is no longer aligned with the person I have become, perhaps after starting a self-exploration journey. The person I am with is not interested in the things I like now, our values are no longer aligned, and our needs have become more and more different. When it started, all I wanted was a house, a stable job and a family; now, I want to experience an authentic partnership where my emotional needs are acknowledged and respected, somebody willing to participate and grow with me before even considering living together.
Now that I have more clarity of what I want, I have the opportunity to let go of any fantasies or self-made idealist ideas I had of myself or others, deal with the "whys" I need to experience certain circumstances and move on when I am ready. Suppose I say YES to this transition and am willing to navigate through the stages and layers of what is happening without denial, avoidance and rush; I will gift myself with great empowerment and self-understanding. I will take responsibility for my actions and choices, and eventually, I will see what is on the other side of pain with authenticity, love and compassion.
What if I get stuck in limbo?
Thus, if the old me resists while the new me pushes to encourage change or the symptoms or messages I receive from discomfort and pain do not transition from the subconscious to the conscious level, there is a risk of remaining trapped or stuck in limbo for a while, afraid to look back and afraid to move forward.
Some of us may struggle to deal with consequences or feel overwhelmed by fearing the unknown, as we know what we are letting go of but not sure what to expect and may remain trapped in doubts, guilt, shame or resistance until the soul can't take any longer. Here is all about how much capacity you have to resist change; the more you fight it, the more painful the transition will be.
How do we get out of this limbo?
Here is when professional help can be helpful to recentre and start exploring new perspectives and integrating or letting go of the past. There is no shame in sicking help or asking for advice. Then, we must see it, embrace and accept where we are without forcing change. I see where I am, and I sit with my feelings, and this experience life is proving. Everyone gets trapped in existential eddies and does not know how to escape them; it's human. Finally, be curious, set intentions, start journaling and exploring new pathways, and be gentle and patient. Rome was not built in a day :)
How do I recognise sterile destructive pain?
Sterile or destructive pain is when I feel trapped in the thought-emotion loop for years, continuously feeding and convincing ourselves of specific concepts without objectivity or concrete proof, the so-called "hell on earth". We may subconsciously develop an addiction to pain or specific thought forms or beliefs, feeding resistance and fearing change of taking responsibility for ourselves/life. This may hide an agenda that can be difficult to uncover, but that still serves a purpose, even if detrimental to the individual.
For example, I am highly overweight, and life is hard as I have developed a few conditions that I often complain about; on the other hand, becouse of my situation, I receive a lot of sympathy, help and benefits. I fear that getting better or losing weight and getting healthy will stop my benefits, and I will not be able to adjust to a different lifestyle. I will have to take responsibility for my life, eventually find a job and have less time to spend indoors. I may unconsciously believe that I will struggle to be independent and be isolated and not loved by my friends and family without the weight (who are also overweight). So instead of investing or exploring resources or tools that could help me improve, I spend my time and money shopping or accumulating things I don't need.
When I refuse to make existential changes falling into the belief that I am a victim and this will never change, that I have no power, and I ignore any messages that life desperately tries to send me, I become addicted
to the vicious cycle of sterile suffering, constantly feeding into codependency dynamics, drama and illness and inevitably producing more pain. Even worse, I deny myself a precious opportunity to grow.
In conclusion, I believe constructive pain can be a real opportunity for growth if we recognise it in time. A real springboard if accepted with curiosity, humility and compassion, while addiction to pain can lead us to create a mental hell in which we lose opportunities and connection with ourselves.
