The Side Effects of Healing

26 Jan

Have you touched bottom yet?

These days I often think of when I felt I reached bottom and suddenly another hole opened up, almost a chasm; sound familiar?

Why does it take so long to realise that it is time to make that decision that we have been procrastinating for months, often years? Why don't we take action now, knowing that we could have a better quality of life?

Humans are more resistant than we think, and we are more or less inclined to adapt to whatever conditions we experience. We can almost get comfortable being uncomfortable, often unconsciously, creating a co-dependency relationship with pain. We think we want to get better but are unwilling to act on it, and we may feel paralysed when the opportunity presents itself.

Absurd as it seems, we often feel more in control in the state of familiar suffering than in the space of unexpected joy, in which I may have to lose control and have no reference points.

(I am taking in general, and this may not be your experience)

I have learned that sometimes we procrastinate healing or change because it can be challenging for many reasons that may be useful to understand.

Let me give you some examples:

The healing path may lead you to stop identifying or considering yourself a victim or martyr.
You will have to take responsibility for yourself, your past, present and future life.
Inevitably, you will have to grow and mature.
You may sometimes feel alone and misunderstood and must learn how to stand by yourself.
You can't any longer point fingers or blame others without considering your share in every single situation and relationship.
You will understand and eventually let go of co-dependency and unhealthy mechanisms/relationships.
You will have to listen to your inner voice and accept/embrace (love) who you are.
You will see where you lack boundaries and how manipulation works on both sides and on deeper levels.
You will eventually let go of parts of the self that no longer serve you and discover new parts you didn't expect, which may be challenging.
You will face your shadows and equally your light.
You will see yourself naked, and there will be no more excuses or justifications.
You will see your gifts and talents clearly and be pushed to do something with them.
You will have to accept the stage you are at without pretending.
You will be led outside your comfort zone to have an opportunity to expand the way you perceive yourself, the world and others.
You will be humbled by your higher self and strengthened by your spirit.
And there is so much more to it!

Healing is a letting go process. It is a constant stretch of understanding and cannot be approached with rigidity and without curiosity. On this planet, we are given many opportunities to navigate the layers of the self in endless ways, and it is an immense gift we can do to ourselves. Resistances are expected and are healthy; fearing change can also be wise at times, but we cannot procrastinate change for our entire existence becouse change and personal growth are very much embodied in our souls.

The wordly challenge

When it comes to actual changes and working towards practical goals, there may be another obstacle that we may face, especially if we have an impatient or high-speed personality. Our good intentions (ideas, dreams, projects) vibrate higher/faster than the physical/bodily dimension.

To give a concrete example:

I plan to lose 10 kg, eat better and exercise regularly, but I might get discouraged when I realise that this could take months/years and requires commitment and constant work, and all the YouTube videos about getting "quick results" are not working :(

My brain wants instant gratification to release dopamine and endorphins to feel satisfied and reworded (this is one of the major causes of cell phone addiction).

When we set unrealistic short-term goals, we may lack objective, feel impatient and fail to have that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that motivates us forward.

How do we solve this problem?

Have you considered breaking it into smaller achievable steps by creating a long-term plan? A long-term plan helps the mind relax and release pressure and unrealistic expectations. It connects us with the reality of things forcing us to be genuinely present and understand physical time better.

Our body and everything that is part of the physical world has slower completion than the subtle world, like the internet in the 90s; it takes a while to manifest visible changes, but this does not mean that they aren't happening and also helps integrate each step gradually.

When possible, I advise not to wait until there is no other choice; it can be exhausting to prolong an unhealthy state of discomfort and stress. Progressive and constant work helps to develop and establish a healthy routine/discipline to grow awareness, independence and stability.