Needs and Partnerships, working together to stay together.
For some of us, relationships are the most complicated field of our lives; let's explore romantic relationships and contracts between people.
We are attracted to specific energies for specific reasons, which may vary from person to person, from circumstance to circumstance.
If, at the beginning of the relationship, I'm in a place in which I am looking for stability, to feel more grounded and practically, I need somebody to look after me because I'm a bit unstable with my work situation; my initial needs are not just to be loved but also to have somebody that can provide stability, economic stability, practical stability, emotional stability.
If, over time, I find a job, I become more and more independent. The initial needs in which I started the relationship have been fulfilled by myself, so I don't need anybody else to provide a safe space or a stable space for me to be; perhaps now my need is to express my creative potential, and perhaps the person that I'm with does completely different things.
You may be with somebody who is only interested in football, but you haven't noticed that before because you were focusing on finding stability, so if this needs to change, what happens?
You may start feeling unhappy within the relationship, not fulfilled, you don't know what to do with them.
We are exploring a situation in which there is not enough love and connection, to begin with, and of course, there are two people in this relationship, and there has to be an understanding from the other side.
There is no obligation to move forward in a relationship if you're unhappy or fulfilled or have no potential. We have to end the relationship; there are no other ways because we are so different. We may have been there for that amount of time to fulfil this specific need or experience, and the relationship itself has no other purpose than that.
Instead, in a relationship with more profound roots, there will be an opportunity for both people to explore a different dimension of the same relationship. However, there must be an open space for both people; just one person's availability is insufficient.
I know that because in my work, I can see how many times one person is willing to change, is doing this self-work, understanding who they are, how they can improve themselves, how they can become more independent, and if the other person doesn't follow, it takes a personally, feels excluded or left behind and has no intention or curiosity to explore the same thing with the partner, the relationship won't work.
Both people must be open to growing together. Otherwise, you may have felt this way in the past, or perhaps you feel like this now; you feel you're carrying a sack of potatoes everywhere you go.
It feels like running this marathon of your life, and then you stop and look on your sides, and your partner is not next to you.
If the couple has no common grounds or goals to fulfil, they will grow as separate individuals, and there will be nothing to give to the relationship.
After many years in a relationship, we get very comfortable, and somehow, we have the expectation to remain the same, which is naturally impossible.
We are constantly changing, growing, and evolving, so there has to be flexibility to understand that we must constantly work together to remain together.
Couples with or without children should never forget that the relationship dimension is always there to give back to the people if acknowledged.
If ignored, these people will eventually fall apart, or there will leave an eternal lie which is: "We just stick together because we think we don't have any other options or better options" or "I don't want to take responsibility to break up to this person because of the consequences" and "I don't want to deal with my family, what they will think of me if I split up with my partner and we have children, what's going to happen around me if I take the courage to say the truth about how I really feel about this relationship?
Sometimes, because we want to avoid confrontations and separation, we stay together without ever realising that we are wasting our time and the other person's time.
It is not just about us regarding relationships; we must understand that we also bring somebody else into these invisible contracts and relationships.
Love is giving the person the freedom to explore, be fulfilled and be happy, of course.
We are not responsible for the other person. Still, because of the nature of the connection, we have a responsibility to support the other person, understand the other person, have an open mind and keep an open heart towards what the other is going through, even if we are going through something different than what we are experiencing.
Understand that the person in front of you is an individual with different needs, perhaps one who comes from a different culture and speaks a different language.
If the relationship is only based on feeding needs, the relationship will only last for a while. There has to be a foundation, but there also has to be an awareness from both people and a willingness to grow and evolve together.
